After-Orts #16

• 
  — time to clear out the Silly File —

  Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
       — Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  
  
  I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. 
       — Robert Benchley.
  
  
  America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. 
       — David Letterman
  
  
  I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Actually, I'm a billionaire. 
       --  Howard Hughes
  
  
  PARAPROSDOKIANS:
  
  I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
  
  Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
  
  Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  
  I’m great at multitasking: I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
  
  Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
  
  He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  
  Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
  
  I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
  
  ——————
  
  Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it was a sausage-maker who disposed of the body. In nineteenth-century America, the belief that sausages were usually made out of dog meat was so widespread that they started to be called hot dogs, a word that survives to this day.
       — Mark Forsyth, The Etymologicon