New Orts #101

December 21 MMXXV

Happy Winter Solstice!
It happened a few minutes after 10 A.M.

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*** Washington Post Style Invitational 2003 Award Winners ***

The Washington Post’s annual Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing just one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2003 winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly

3. Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. (The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.)

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

18. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an ass.